What’s funnier than flatulence? Jokes about flatulence — so you get all the laughs, just without the smell.
From fart jokes that are written explicitly for kids to adult fart jokes that are rewritten to be made suitable for kids, and then short fart jokes, long-form fart jokes, and fart puns: this list contains them all.
Though some parents and caregivers are averse to indulging children’s love of everything gassy, there’s nothing wrong with a good, smelly joke every now and then. And once you’ve exhausted all the rear-end exhaust jokes, maybe the kids in your care will think up something else equally entertaining to poke fun at.
But let’s kick it off with some fart jokes that are sure to make every kid indulges their silly side and gets to crack a good laugh over a good old fart. From wacky humor to tongue in cheek puns, there’s something for every flatulence fan here.
Fart Jokes
Need a reliable fart joke that’s a bit tamer than the more in-your-face and descriptive varieties? Check out these subtler fart jokes that will surprise your juvenile audience; they start out like normal phrases, but quickly turn into gaseous jokes.
It might even take a minute for the joke itself to set in (though a real-life fart probably gets attention just as fast). Just make sure to launch these stinkers when everyone else is in a serious mood; catching them off guard is the best way to get a belly laugh (and perhaps a residual toot).
Noble gases have no reaction.
British Gas.
- If there is one thing I have learned in my life, you must never hold in a fart. It will travel to your brain and cause you to have a crappy idea.
- My cat doesn't always fart when I have company over, but when he does, he makes sure to trek out of the room, so everyone thinks it's me.
- Have you ever looked at someone while they're doing something cute, like baking or reading a book, and smile because they don't know you farted yet?
- If there is one thing I have learned in my life, you must never hold in a fart. It will travel to your brain and cause you to have a crappy idea.
- My cat doesn't always fart when I have company over, but when he does, he makes sure to trek out of the room, so everyone thinks it's me.
- I went to an iMac store and farted. All the customers got mad at me because they didn't have any Windows.
- Next time you fart, look at the nearest person and say, "did you hear that butthole talk crap behind my back?"
- Remember the key to social distancing: if you can smell their fart, you need to move further apart.
Fart Puns
A pun is a funny use of words in such a way as to suggest two or more of its meanings similar in sound. Fart puns play on the multiple English, and sometimes other languages’, meanings for the words fart. Really, puns are the cream of the crop in many ways; they’re discreet without shooting the humor too high over kids’ heads.
Fart puns are best for older kids or kids who have a strong sense of metaphorical language, though. For younger children, these may miss the mark. But they are great for breaking down the barrier with older kids who think they are too grown for a fart joke.
A fartening airstrike
A lonely cry from an abandoned poo
Farfrompoopin!
Moo-thane gas
Noble gases.
A blast from the past.
Felt like a 7.0 on the Rectum scale.
- Cow farts come from the dairy air.
- All farts are laughing gas.
- I once farted at the cinema during an explosion. The whole theater had to be evacuated due to a gas leak.
- I farted on my debit card, now I have gas money.
- An unexpected side effect of Taquito Tuesday? Wet fart Wednesday!
- As life walks by, don't forget to smell the air tulips.
- You always see the mice around me cause I'm always cutting the cheese.
- A lady never poops while farting; those are just butt dumplings.
- I just put gas in the van; you might want to crack a sunroof.
- Never fart in the cheese aisle at the grocery store. A couple once came up to me and started complimenting the cheese on how good it smelled.
Short Fart Jokes
Unless you are a sitcom family trying to make it on a primetime network slot, short fart jokes are the best way to get your kid chuckling. A quick fart joke or knock-knock fart joke has minimal set-up, minimal effort, but epic pay-off.
With these short fart jokes, you will have a quick interaction, but memories to last the test of time with your children and grandchildren! You can also rapid-fire these jokes for a burst of hilarity that doesn’t let up.
He eats refried beans for dinner.
Cause she let one rip.
If you can clear a church, you’re doing it right.
They’re silent yet deadly.
Bunny farts.
He plays with Pooh.
- Just yell: 3, 2, 1 — bottom blastoff! (bonus points if you actually fart, too)
- If Bozo the clown farts, does it smell funny?
- Happiness comes from within the body and soul; that's why it feels so good to fart.
- My only goal as a child was to fart loud enough to set off a car alarm.
- Never fart outside when it is cold; you will only produce snowflakes.
- I don't fart. That was just a whisper in my undies.
- There are no winners when cauliflower and Brussels sprout farts are involved.
- Kill your enemies with joy and kindness, but don't forget to fart as you walk away.
- Remember, kid, you never fart. You just giggle with your butthole.
- I just released my own perfume. Nobody in the van seemed to like it.
- (Said very loudly) — EXCUSE ME. (When everyone looks) Oh, my bottom just burped
- Smell you later, alligator.
DIY Fart Jokes
Whether you were looking for a light-hearted chuckle or actual fart jokes for your kids, these jokes were sure to hit the spot.
But you don’t always need a guide or list to help you crack jokes with your kids. Here are some tips to help build your own original fart jokes from already existing adult jokes, as well as building on existing words to make your own puns and play on words.
To reformat adult jokes for a kid audience, you can always replace the cuss words with a similar replacement word or skip the word entirely. You can also make the reference more kid-friendly, i.e., no kid would know who John Wayne Gacy is (or I would hope they have no idea who he is), but they would get the reference of Bozo the Clown.
As for making your own puns, Huffpost.com has released a list of 150 words for fart. Find a word on that list that is either puny in its own rights, such as air biscuit, or one that you can build a reference on, such as air salute. Or words such as whoopee, that can be seen as a sentence of glee in and of itself.
Having a good grasp of any language you are making a joke in and making anyone chuckle, if not a full-on belly laugh, with your use of languages with multiple meanings, you are sure to wonder anyone within earshot on your clever turn of words.
Final Thoughts
Whether it be from puns or from just a simple turn of phrase, kids of all ages (and grownups) love jokes about flatulence, passing gas, cutting cheese, breaking wind, tooting, and every other variation. Because the only thing funnier than actually farting is thinking up hilarious ways to talk about it.
Just be sure not to actually fart while saying these fart jokes. You might wind up becoming the butt of the joke. Although, that might just mean new material for you and your kids. After all, your new title of Thunder Pants Stink Bomb who stepped on a frog is sure to induce laughs.
